BREAKING NEWS

   LA: Pop superstar Michael Jackson may or may not be dead, according to reports just in.

 The King of Pop, 50, was rushed to UCLA hospital in Los Angeles, where his condition was described as “either dead, not dead, or somewhere in between”.

 As crowds started to gather outside the hospital, news began to filter that the singer may have had a cardiac arrest, or not, and was either very ill, or dead.

 Naturally, gaup is on the scene and ready to bring you more news as we get it, or don’t get it. - 12:02pm.

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AS preparations continue apace for this Sunday’s Academy Awards, gaup has learnt that there will be some significant cutbacks in this year’s ceremony, as Hollywood begins to feel the pinch caused by the economic slowdown.

The traditionally lavish ceremony, well-known for its costly sets, glamourous clothes and expensive goodie-bags, has been scaled back considerably this year, and will be virtually unrecognizable when it is broadcast to millions of homes this weekend.

The most immediately noticeable change is that the iconic golden statuette has been sensationally DITCHED, as Oscar bosses look for ways to cut costs.

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  Welcome to a new, regular feature here at gaup, where we take YOU around the homes of the rich and famous!

And what better choice for our first celebrity home, then that of ruthless, tyrannical super-villain Ming the Merciless?

He’s threatened to destroy Earth hundreds of times, only to be thwarted by dashing space-hero Flash Gordon. But now Ming has swapped death-rays for Blu-Rays, and laser-beams for oak-beams, as he settles into his new house on the planet Mongo.

Join gaup as we meet up with Ming the Merciless, and he lets us gaup at his house!

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  The body of the late, great comic actor Peter Sellers is currently tunnelling through the earth and is fast approaching the Earth’s core, scientists warned last night.

Sellers, who starred as Inspector Jaques Clouseau in the original Pink Panther movies, had begun spinning in his grave back in 2006, when Steve Martin took over the role of Inspector Clouseau in the woefully unfunny remake of The Pink Panther. As the film opened, Sellers’ body span in it’s grave with such force that it broke free of the coffin, and begun boring a hole through the earth beneath.

By the time the film had finished it’s run, Sellers’ body was said to have tunnelled through the earth’s crust, and halfway through the mantle.

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Scientists working around the clock to find a way to slow the alarming growth in celebrity believe that they had finally found a solution - Popmashing.

As celebrity numbers rise wildly out of control, thanks to the plethora of reality TV shows and the creation of the so-called ‘internet celebrity’, a solution needed to be found before the earth’s supplies of Evian water and diamond-studded mobile phones are exhausted.

Professor Winthrall Cadfish, from the Institute of Celebrity Studies explains. “By our more conservative estimates, by the year 2020 everyone on earth will be famous, which would be a catastrophe worse than nuclear fallout or a meteor hitting the planet. We have been working tirelessly to come up with a solution, and that solution is Popmashing.”

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