POP superstar and filthy slattern Madonna is celebrating half a century of sluttiness, as she turns 50 this week.
The star, famous for such hit records as ‘Like A Virgin‘, ‘Hanky Panky‘ and ‘Erotica‘, will be spending her special day surrounded by friends and family, while resolutely refusing to get her knockers out or writhing around suggestively in her bra and panties, as she has done on numerous occasions over the past five decades.
In honour of this landmark, gaup pays tribute to the saucy strumpet by highlighting our five favourite mucky Madonna moments.
5. The Cone Bra. Madonna’s brassiere of choice became an iconic fashion item, and not only helped to cement her superstar status, but also gave men everywhere an excuse to stare at her chest, under the pretence that they were admiring the conical boulder-holder. Good times.
4. Body of Evidence. Madonna has had a somewhat rocky relationship with the big screen, appearing in such duds as Dick Tracy and Swept Away. However, this seedy, Basic Instinct-wannabe was much more her thing, requiring her to do nothing more taxing than frolicking about naked with Willem DaFoe, and getting her undercarriage serviced on the bonnet of a car. Still a shit film, mind.
3. The Britney Spears Kiss. While awards ceremonies are usually nothing more than a giant circle-jerk filmed before a live audience, the VMAs in 2003 were enlivened somewhat when Madonna locked lips with Britney Spears (in her pre-bonkers years). The following year, the organisers attempted to repeat the headline-grabbing incident, but the much-publicised gay kiss between Elton John and Phil Collins failed to garner as much interest.
2. The Sex Book.
Need we say any more?
1. The English Roses. Madonna’s attempt to pen a children’s book. The end result was pure filth, we tell you. Or maybe not. We didn’t read it, to be honest.
Happy Birthday, Madonna, you dirty little minx!
And we still would, by the way. 
