AS preparations continue apace for this Sunday’s Academy Awards, gaup has learnt that there will be some significant cutbacks in this year’s ceremony, as Hollywood begins to feel the pinch caused by the economic slowdown.
The traditionally lavish ceremony, well-known for its costly sets, glamourous clothes and expensive goodie-bags, has been scaled back considerably this year, and will be virtually unrecognizable when it is broadcast to millions of homes this weekend.
The most immediately noticeable change is that the iconic golden statuette has been sensationally DITCHED, as Oscar bosses look for ways to cut costs.
“Times are hard for everyone in this current economic climate,” explained Academy chief Durzan Fletchpopper. “Even Hollywood isn’t completely immune. So, when it came to prepping the Awards this year, we knew we’d have to save some cash somewhere, and those ridiculously expensive gold stautettes seemed like an obvious place to start.”
Winners of the Oscars this year will therefore be presented with a Speed Racer movie action figure, instead of the traditional Oscar statue.
“After that Speed Racer movie tanked, we found that there were loads of unsold Speed Racer action figures left in warehouses across the country,” Fletchpopper explains. “They were all just sitting there, ready to be trashed. We saw an opportunity to make some real savings, so we bought a load in bulk. Worked out a Hell of a lot cheaper than making them gold things, let me tell you. I guess that some people will feel slightly cheated when they walk away with a Speed Racer figure instead of an Oscar, but I would like to point out that these figures ARE poseable, and, crucially, are completely non-toxic. ”
Other changes include the location of the venue, which will move from the Kodak Theater to the front-room of a house belonging to the mother of one of the show-runners’ best friends. The after-show party will also move, and will be held in a nearby branch of TGI Friday’s.
“It may all seem less glamourous and less starry, but these are difficult times and I think everyone understands why we’re doing what we’re doing,” Fletchpopper continues. “Hopefully, with all these measures in place, we can get the entire ceremony done for a few hundred dollars. That is providing we can keep Jack Nicholson away from the bar, of course.”
The Oscars, live from Mrs. Curvendish’s front room, will be broadcast this Sunday. 
